conservative cave man1

conservative cave man1
only you can prevent frikken forest fires!

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

my origins

I began life as your average baby bear. You know, full of life, curiosity, and fresh salmon. My mother was named GrrrHmmmfsk-fsk-fsk, which in bear-ish is gnarly-deer-hunter-tree-scratcher. She was kind and gentle to all that she didnt have to eat or poop on. My father could not be named for he was considered to be of such legendary quality that it was forbidden. This was common practice in bear-ianity, which everybody knows is the religion of all bears. How my father obtained his heroic status is well known to bear-kind and lesser animals like porcupines (just dont tell them that they are lesser, you will never hear the end of it and will quite possibly get a quill or two).
 ........My father was a great Hunter of Man and his fire. Men invaded bear lands and brought fire and dogs. They waged a savage war with the bears that raged for hundreds of years until one day a mighty hero arose to train the bear warriors in the way of the Ninja. For all their cuddly looks and cute faces you would never know that there killers undernieth. My father commanded the bear legions during the decisive battle of constipatia where the men were taken at unawares and utterly destroyed. He then reorganized the bear community into a bear-topia.
........my father did not die like all else that lives, but was lifted into the heavens by the all powerful God to serve as arc-bearangel. In doing so, God created the constellation of the Hunter which can still be seen to this very day.
........As you can imagine, this role model was part-in-parcel to my becoming a great bear chieftain. I inherited all that was His and set about immediately putting out fires. Fires men created as a way of expressing the anger they harbored against bear-kind for the bitter loss of the war. I created written language inorder to communicate the importance of not starting fires. when our bear engineers created complex machines, i created the television in order to express to a wide audience the impact even one bear can have in fire control.
.......now, bears say that I do these feats with superpowers and the answer is Yes I DO. My main superpower is the power of using my brain. I can think, problem solve, and excuse myself from the table. I can run very quickly, to the tune of 35mph. I am very strong, lifting rocks and throwing fish out of rivers poses no trouble for me. I do all these things to keep the forest thick and lush in order to keep bear-civilization secret from the men who would destroy us.

3 comments:

  1. Your arc-bearangel dad could definitely beat up my dad.

    But that's not that great of a compliment because my dad is a Spirit World accountant with a receding hairline and a frail body as strong as soup crackers.

    -Freckles

    ReplyDelete
  2. Interesting page though you deviated from the basic layout

    ReplyDelete
  3. I like the story. Beary readable...lol! You know the big and little dippers are also bear constilations. Usa major and ura minor. Maybe those are also relatives of yours...?

    ReplyDelete